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Your feelings are valid just because you feel them. I guess in a way it is an outward sign of commitment. We called it even which by the way comes in handy a lot in marriage. You can use his name publicly, but they only acknowledge birth names unless changed by court decree, as in you specifically filed for a name change. This perfectly describes my feelings on this topic. I definitely feel like my family is who I am, or at least a huge part of who I am.

To me, its a showing of an intention of major commitment. For some reason it makes me really happy! Portia May 29, 2013, 3: I also waited a while after getting married to make the final decision about what to do with my name, and I recommend it. Can I call him Mrr or something? Someone below said something about validating feelings vs.

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My husband and I both come from the scientific end of things and we both look at things logically much more than emotionally. I will be keeping my maiden name as my middle name for the same reasons you mentioned. It makes it more understandable why people are under their influence, but not justifiable. Respect and commitment mean spending a lot of time listening to your partner and saying well what if…, then how about…, I see what you mean so maybe….

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This perfectly describes my feelings on this topic. He just wanted me to pick one. Emsz May 16, 2013, 3:

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How is that not a grand gesture? Her name is her name. Then, let him come and talk to you. Anyway, fast forward to after the wedding, and I decided, sort of out of the blue, that I wanted to take his name. I think he probably had an idea in his head that this is what married couples do, and everyone in a family has the same last name, and that is how he viewed a family for his entire life.

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DG Girl May 16, 2013, 6: I think his opinion was the biggest factor in my decision to keep my own name. Eagle Eye May 16, 2013, 10:

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To be honest I would laugh if my bf asked me to take his name. In this case the sexist argument falls away, because you are picking and choosing which patriarchal traditions you will honor and not honor and keeping peace with your family but not your husbands. That is just a smoke screen. How many people even know what your middle name is?

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Now if I was about to graduate, I might keep my maiden name professionally, and then refer to myself as Mrs. We decided together that we wanted to get married and we chose the engagement ring together and we decided when we would get engaged. This is just an issue of semantics.

What I really wanted at the time was the space to make the decision without him or anyone else assuming or pressuring me to do the traditional thing. When i mentioned it to my husband, he told me he only cared about what made me happy. Do you love him, respect him, trust him and are you proud of him? You almost never hear of that happening.

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And engagement fruit tootsie rolls. Plus they probably would have preferred me to take my husbands name, they were ultra traditional Catholics. Have you told him that you see the importance to him and that you want to take the steps that are important to him in marriage? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. You can certainly have sexist thoughts or requests without being sexist. What does it say about you that the one comment you contributed was to tear someone down?

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More, I know them quite well. Sounds like your husband is a catch! Similarly, I really wanted an engagement ring a diamond, specifically for the same reasons.

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I had this issue with my bf. For the most part she is really good at disagreeing without being hateful, unlike you, evidently. That does probably stem from a bit of insecurity on his part, but hardly a manipulative playing card, and definitely something that she needs to be sympathetic to not to say it is a reason for her to change her stance, just something she needs to be aware of in approaching the issue with him.

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